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“Physical connection cannot be replaced and its importance must not be underestimated. We can’t get physical contact through a screen or from a distance. We need touch. We need vicinity. We need the comfort of being in physical contact with one another.” – Teal Swan

When we talk about self-love, it generally has to do with what we do for ourselves alone, and not with other people. Of course, it is a good practice to learn how to care and love for oneself without always being dependent upon others to meet our needs, however, sometimes the most self-loving thing we can do is to ask for love from someone else. 

Humans are a social species, which means we are designed to interact and thrive in communities with others, not in isolation. While we are able to give ourselves physical touch as a self-loving act through self-massage, self-pleasure and gentle self-touching when we need it, nothing replaces the touch and physical comfort of another human being. Go too long without it, and we begin to feel the lack of this form of love in our lives.

Once we do spend time learning about how we personally respond to love in the form of physical touch by giving it ourselves, the next step is to begin asking for it from those we trust. It may not be easy for everyone, if someone has experienced some form of physical trauma or abuse, and this is why its important to seek it from someone trustworthy, stable, and supportive if you are healing. 

Shame could pop up, especially around any type of sexual pleasure we may desire and give to ourselves, or partake in with someone else, but this doesn’t mean it is wrong. In fact, it is the OPPOSITE. Pleasure in all forms, alone or with others, is self-loving. Doing things to feel good is not wrong, as long as we’re being safe, have consent (with ourself and others), and are practicing self-awareness and moderation.

The shame is simply an indication we have a chance at healing from a projection that was more than likely imposed upon us at a young age. When we can see it this way instead of internalizing it to mean we don’t deserve this form of love, we are able to take our power back and reclaim physical touch and pleasure in the ways we know are best for us.

How can you touch yourself in an empowered, self-loving way today?

Who can you trust to give you physical touch and comfort?

***This blog was originally written as an Instagram post for The SICC House. Visit their Instagram here.

This mantra comes from the Power of Surrender deck. Surrender is a difficult thing when you want to feel in control of how things play out for you. And this is somewhat true when you have mastered the art of self-awareness and the power of choice – however, we cannot predict EXACTLY how things will turn out, and that is fucking terrifying, ammiright? But really this fear is coming from a lack of trust in yourself that you have chosen the “right” direction. And this is actually coming from a place of wanting to be seen as “good” or doing things the “right” way by others – whatever is socially accepted within society. Shit. That program is still there (insert rolling eyes emoji here).

The message from this week’s card is this: “Surrender to Trust – Trust yourself and your decisions. Don’t be swayed by other people’s strong opinions about what to do. Take action and be confident that you have chosen the right path.”

Where are you still allowing the opinions of others to dictate which direction you take? Perhaps it’s in who you choose to love (or not), where you choose to work (or not work), how you choose to express yourself (or not) around others, how you dress, who you remain friends with (or not), or where you shop, eat, hang out, live. What is the relationship you have to your own authentic choices and how others will react to them (or not)? And why do you care? Chances are you were conditioned at a young age to be “perfect” according to whomever you wanted to make happy. But now as an adult, are you still playing into this role, despite the fact that those around you aren’t anymore?

For a lot of us, this was a very safe coping strategy. So safe, that we still play into it because we don’t know any better, or because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. But if you were to actually get a bird’s eye view of your life and see the decisions you’re making, the stories you tell yourself, the judgements you make, the worries you think – do they line up with who you are authentically, or who you believe others want you to be? The answers may be mixed – you may still show up that way in certain situations and scenarios, and not so much anymore in others.

But the point is to actually look – take stock. Weigh up on the scale and see where the imbalance may be. And then when you pinpoint it – take action towards your AUTHENTIC, heart-centered truth in order to balance out your internal scale. Then trust. Trust that even if it was so fucking uncomfortable you wanted to puke, that you made the decision that was “right” for YOU! No matter what happens, it was meant to be that way because you are still learning. And at the end of the day, YOU will be left with YOUR decisions, not everyone else.

Are you really that much of a people pleaser that you would rather see someone else’s happiness trump your own? If you answered yes, we need to talk. And you need to book a session with me IMMEDIATELY! If you answered “HELL NO!” and felt empowered, this is the reminder for you this week to not give in to those old programs and stories that tell you how you live your life really affects someone else that much that their well-being is more important than yours. Nope! Not today, not anymore, not ever again!

Bethany, out. *mic drop*

This week the Angels are providing you with the topic. Archangel Raguel guides you to act in a fair and just manner, providing you with faith in humanity’s essential goodness. No matter what is being presented in your life on the outside, Archangel Raguel is inviting you to recognize the Divine Order in the situation. He says:

“A win-win situation is brewing, one with solutions that are fair to everyone involved. This requires you to have blind faith that Heaven is working behind the scenes to extract the highest good for all. Ask me to buoy your faith if it wavers. Use positive affirmations and prayers to keep your spirits high. Above all, make sure that your conversations about this situation involve positive and optimistic words and phrases. You’re so powerful that your positive thoughts can speed the resolution along even quicker.”

Regardless if you believe in Angels, Gods, Goddesses, or the like, the message of choosing to have faith that there is still goodness in the world, that justice will be served in situations that seem unfair, is the key. Do you truly acknowledge how powerful your thoughts, intentions, and words are? Recognize what is being presented on the outside as an indication of what is happening in your inner world. This is not woo-woo or some out there theory, this is a Law of the Universe. You are the creator of what you are experiencing, at all times, whether you like it or not, and whether you will admit it or not.

While Archangel Raguel has a beautiful, gentle, and supportive energy, there is also the need for hard truths to be expressed. And that is that if you don’t like the way you feel about a situation, choose to CHANGE IT. End of story. No, it might not be easy, and no, it won’t happen overnight. It will require some work on your part. The Angels can only do so much. Their energy and assistance is there IF YOU CHOOSE TO BE OPEN TO IT. Aren’t you tired of going around and around with this situation in your mind and not getting anywhere positive?

That is your indication that it’s time to EMPOWER this positive outlook, rather than mock or disbelieve it. Let down your guard just a little to realize that there are forces for good, and that if you know you deserve some justice, that you will get it. As long as you are actually learning your lesson and choosing to continue to make these empowered choices in the future. You can do it, and you’re not doing it alone. Have faith and choose to see how this situation will provide some sort of transformation for all parties involved.

Sending you healing, love, and empowerment this week,

Bethany

(This week’s quote and references were taken from The Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, pictured below, which you can purchase here).

Most of us understand the concept of Self-Love and how important it is to love ourselves, but do we actually know HOW to do so in a way that truly transforms us from the inside out?

I believe true love of Self begins with an awareness of personal BOUNDARIES, displaying RESPECT for Self and others, and having a level of CONFIDENCE that is intrinsic ~ not derived from anything outside of us. And all of this first comes from Self-Awareness – becoming intimate with our inner world – what we like, what we don’t like, what is “good” for us, what is “bad” for us, and allowing ourselves to be seen, heard, and felt fully with zero judgements.

This process of truly loving ALL of ourselves is much deeper than taking a bubble bath, meditating, going on a trip, etc. The list I have created is a way to access that unconditional love that parents have for their children, knowing that they are not always the easiest decisions, but it is necessary for long term success. Basically, a “How To” list to parenting ourselves because at some point, it becomes absolutely vital to develop these skills on our own!

Love is a verb and something we CHOOSE to do. But make sure you’re coming from a place of not trying to “fix” something that is “wrong” with you, otherwise you’ll end up hating the process. Try shifting your perspective to thinking of yourself as your own child (essentially your inner child), and stay light-hearted ~ give yourself permission to experience child-like wonder and JOY!

1. Discover your own LOVE LANGUAGE and own it! The 5 Love Languages is an awesome book by Gary Chapman that allows us to understand not only our own love language(s), but those around us as well, in order to then show love to ourselves and others the way we each individually resonate with receiving it. If you don’t know yours, take the free quiz here! Once you get clear on what makes you tick, it is much easier to communicate your needs to others, which brings me to #2…

2. Communicate your wants and needs CLEARLY and DIRECTLY with others ~ This can be tricky sometimes, but it is absolutely necessary when wanting to bring others in to your inner world. As a species, we are interdependent and cannot survive without love, connection, and community with others. This is an excellent opportunity to show yourself love by being HONEST with yourself about who CAN meet certain needs for you, and who is WILLING to do so as well. We cannot expect that our needs be met by others all of the time, but we can CHOOSE who to ask, and who to allow in. This is a self-loving act called BOUNDARIES.

3. Live with INTEGRITY in all that you do ~ If you say you’re going to do something, do everything you can to follow through. If you are committed to something in your life, show up consistently and nurture that thing. Practice keeping your intentions, speaking, and actions in alignment with what you are most committed to, and you will be able to cultivate a sense of pride for yourself, knowing you are living your life with integrity.

4. Get enough SLEEP every night! This is pretty simple, but it’s absolutely necessary. Important things happen when we sleep ~ integration, processing, astral travel, dreams, and just plain giving our brains a rest from all of the thinking we do during the day! If you notice that you are grumpy or moody, check in with your body to see if you’re getting enough sleep and give in to it. Naps and all. They’re not just for kids.

5. Eat foods that give you ENERGY! Something significant I have realized about the way I eat is that I listen to what my body craves and find the most healthy options to sustain that craving. This is what I define as INTUITIVE EATING. This isn’t giving myself permission to eat whatever I want, it’s actually feeling how my body responds to certain foods, how much to eat to become satisfied (not over full), and realizing when I am over indulging, because my body will tell me in some way. Foods that leave you feeling light and full of energy, or allow you to feel more grounded when you need it will be different for everyone and it will change for all of us too. Don’t restrict yourself to a diet that makes you feel bad. Food is meant to nourish us, so be honest about what you are putting in your body, and don’t ignore certain cravings when you have them. They are there for a reason. It will be up to you to exercise self-control if what you are craving is something for comfort, or something your body actually needs. This will require discernment on your part, so pay attention to when and why you crave certain things to decipher what you truly need.

6. Allow yourself to be FLEXIBLE and change your mind or direction ~ Surrender to the idea that we can control how life turns out. Let go of being rigid in your beliefs, because everything is constantly shifting and moving and changing in the Universe. Allow yourself to be moved with the ebb and flow of life’s cycles, and I promise you will be more joyful. If we cling to old ways, patterns, beliefs, or relationships, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to expand, grow and learn important lessons for our evolution. Let go when necessary, and love yourself during the process of transformation.

7. Stop judging yourself for past mistakes – FORGIVE yourself ~ This is connected to #6, because sometimes letting go can be very difficult! I am not here to tell you to forgive anyone other than yourself. We all make mistakes, that’s how we learn. Swallowing our pride, taking ownership and taking steps to do better once we know better is absolutely all we can do. We all deserve forgiveness and acceptance, even if we fuck up. Love yourself by forgiving the you that didn’t know any better at the time, and if we make the same mistakes again, this is giving us the opportunity to love ourselves so fiercely that we want to change and be better. See the higher perspective of the lessons you’re learning and move forward.

8. Be HONEST with yourself about your shortcomings, vices, weaknesses, and shadows ~ Again, this is not easy. Being honest with ourselves about ourselves is sometimes EXTREMELY painful. But if we cannot love our own shadows, how can we love anyone else’s? This is what LOVE really is ~ an all encompassing, no conditions, acceptance of ALL of someone, flaws and all. No one is perfect, and we have all done things we wish we hadn’t. It’s how we conduct ourselves once we learn these things that makes the difference. This is also a way to set boundaries for yourself when you know there are things that you cannot partake in because you’re using it to fill a void. This is absolute Self-Love ~ choosing not to participate in things that cause chaos in your life.

9. Stay HYDRATED! Our bodies are made up of approximately 65% water. It keeps our skin looking fresh, our digestive systems working smoothly, and gives us energy. Even the type of water you choose to put into your body can make the difference, because tap water (In the U.S. at least) has a lot of chemicals and other crap in it that really isn’t supposed to be digested. This is another way of showing your vessel love by keeping it clean and healthy in order for optimal living every day.

10. EXERCISE! Get up and move your body around. It doesn’t have to be an intricate work out every day, but do what makes your body feel good. Stretch, walk, run, jump up and down. Play with a child and watch how they move. They lead with their bodies, not their heads. Don’t think about it too much, just do what feels good in the moment and don’t be afraid to switch it up and try new things, HAVE FUN!

11. Create personal GOALS for yourself ~ Living a life with purpose is something all Humans strive to do, whether we are conscious of it or not. Get serious about what you want in life, write it down, hire a coach, talk to a friend, and then take actions steps towards accomplishing these goals. This gives us a sense of confidence in our ability to commit to something and get results. Just make sure you are doing it for YOU and not anyone else. This must come from within, and it can be as small or as big as you like. It’s your life, so you get to CHOOSE. Focus on what would add value to your quality of life.

12. ACKNOWLEDGE yourself ~ When you do accomplish something, be PROUD of yourself and celebrate your successes! This is so so so important! Allow those feelings in, and humbly acknowledge the progress you’ve made, the work you’ve done, and the achievements you’ve reached. Staying the course on a long term goal takes courage and strength. You’re a badass, so remind yourself of that often!

13. Develop a relationship to a HIGHER POWER ~ This is going to look different for everyone, so I won’t go into much detail about how to do this, but connecting with our own SOURCE every day allows us to see situations from a more expanded perspective. It also allows us to access our own POWER, to tap into our creativity, and to feel the interconnectedness of all life. For me, this IS our direct connection to LOVE and COMPASSION. However you get there will be unique to you, but we ALL have the ability to connect to something bigger than ourselves that gives us a sense of value. Practice tapping into that every day.

14. Allow yourself to indulge in PLEASURE! Let me preface this by saying that MODERATION is absolutely necessary here, if you have the tendency to over indulge, but refer to #8 on being honest with yourself. We have 5 senses that all want to be stimulated and we all have different things that bring us a sense of pleasure, so surround yourself with what makes you feel good! The key is not to become dependent upon the outside “thing” all of the time, and to again, be honest with yourself about what actually makes you feel good or not. This is about being mindful and conscious about what we stimulate our senses with. Find the balance between completely denying yourself of pleasure, and over indulging in pleasure, which of course takes time and practice.

Once you master the art of Self-Love, of truly knowing and accepting yourself through each stage of life, you will notice your outside world begin to shift as well. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever encounter someone being rude to you, or a traumatic circumstance again, but if something does happen, it most likely will not affect you in a way that sucks you into a rabbit hole of self-loathing, and you will bounce back quickly ~ RESILIENCE.

If all you feel is love for yourself on the inside, then all you will see is love on the outside. As within, so without.

Much love,

Bethany

This topic is inspired by the lovely Goddess Lakshmi. She is the Hindu Goddess of Abundance and Prosperity, and she has come through to remind you that wealth is an inside job. Aligning your vibration with that of abundance is always a choice, because our vibration is made up of the thoughts we think, the way we feel, and the actions we take, or choose not to take. And all of these things are in your power, even if your Victim Archetype wants to tell you otherwise, if your Saboteur Archetype wants to create chaos, if your Prostitute Archetype wants you to sell yourself short, or if your Child Archetype tells you that you’re not capable of handling the responsibility of this power.

These 4 Archetypes are from the book Advanced Energy Anatomy by Caroline Myss (which I have just completed and HIGHLY RECOMMEND), and in it Caroline does a fantastic job giving examples of how these Archetypes are present within all of us, what it looks like when they show up, and how to take your power back by recognizing them, accepting them as they are and that they will not go away, and acknowledging them for doing their job, which is to protect you from perceived harm. She teaches you the science of co-creation and your power of choice.

So how does all of this connect to this week’s theme? Lakshmi’s message of abundance is not one that aligns with what society views as typical “wealth”. Generally, when you think of wealth, you think of money – lots and lots of money. And that is absolutely true, in some cases, it can represent having a lot of money. But abundance is not limited to money or material gains – that’s actually a side effect of first FEELING abundant. To become abundant on the outside, you must first feel abundant on the inside. The real question then becomes, “How do I make this happen?”

Lakshmi reminds you of the ultimate goal, which is not making money, but being able to know your true bliss. What makes you feel lit up like a glow stick when you’re doing it? What work doesn’t feel like work at all? Lakshmi is guiding you to find that vocation and focus on THAT first, before worrying about how you will make the money. And now I can feel the question coming, “But what do I when I NEED the money to survive? How do I NOT focus on the manifestation of the money?” This is where the voices of the 4 Archetypes come in, and where you can begin to notice who you tend to listen to most when making decisions.

The Child Archetype will most likely be afraid, and tell you to choose the safest options, not taking on too much responsibility. The Victim Archetype will cause you to feel down and like it will never be possible because you don’t deserve to feel happy AND make money doing it. The Prostitute Archetype will tell you to stay in that unfulfilling, void of purpose job because it’s stable income and you need it. Finally, the Saboteur Archetype will create negative stories and drama in your mind hoping you will react and take action from believing them, especially if you have already decided to try something new. This Archetype will be the one to yell the loudest to GET THE F*CK OUT NOW!

If you’ve already been doing self-awareness work for a while, you can most likely identify with these voices and pin point when they speak to you. If so, this will be easier to accept and understand that you do not have to listen to these voices. Like I mentioned above, they are coming from a place of fear and self-protection. They want to be heard, and you can absolutely listen to them because they will always be there, but it is up to YOU, the conscious human observer, whether to take action from them or not. It is always a CHOICE. Maybe they do have something important to say that could help you make the best decision, as long as it is not coming from fear, but from taking full responsibility of this choice and the potential consequences it will have.

If you have to stay in that job for a little while longer until you can make your joy and bliss your full time career, that is a smart choice. BUT, you know it is not something you want longterm, and you have begun to tap into your inner wealth of gratitude, joy, love, and bliss in order to then make this your full time vibration and way of living. Once you have mastered tapping into this vibration of feeling abundant – which means being richly supplied – from the inside first by doing more of what already evokes these feelings in you, can you then begin to attract this on the outside – As within, so without, from the Law of Vibration to the Law of Attraction.

It definitely takes time, dedication, and effort to completely shift your vibration, but it IS possible and it doesn’t have to be hard. There are already areas of your life where you feel most abundant, and so many more just waiting for you to try in order to continue to expand and grow this high vibration. So the question Lakshmi will leave you with for the week is, “When do I feel most abundant?” Answer this, and begin to align your every action with the work your soul wants to do. It doesn’t matter how big or how small, as long as it is making you feel good. THAT is the key to manifestation – how you feel and what you choose every day in order to feel aligned or misaligned.

To dive deeper into this for you personally, book a session with me today here!

We will look closely at the shifts needed in your every day life in order to create lasting change.

Sending you bliss and love,

Bethany

Ladies – let’s talk body positivity!

I’ve developed a practice that I’ve adapted over the last two years that consists of me dancing either nude or in close to nothing (i.e. anything that makes me feel free and sexy) in front of a mirror while I watch myself.

I know – some of your first reactions will be that this sounds a bit weird and uncomfortable and vain, but hear me out on this: if I (or you) can’t face ourselves in the mirror NAKED, letting it all hang loose, shake and wiggle without cringing, how will we ever feel comfortable in our own skin being vulnerable with another human being?

I started this practice to become acutely aware of the self deprecating thoughts I had about myself, specifically my body, because I noticed that I struggled to look at myself for long periods of time in the mirror. I barely looked myself in the eye.

And once I acknowledged what I was trying to avoid by hearing those scared, insecure, and vulnerable thoughts, I could then – 1) shake out those feelings in my body; like really get down and move the way my body wanted to move, without judgement or care, releasing the emotional and energetic attachment those thoughts had created.

And F*CK YES it starts out SUPER DUPER uncomfortable allowing myself to do so. Not just the first time I ever did it, but – every. single. time. Without fail. I have to get over that part of my brain that wants to judge and instead remind myself – Hey, girl. You’re ALONE in your room right now. Whose judgments are you so afraid of? And the surrender and allowance then occurs.

And – 2) this opens up space for new thoughts, beliefs and views of myself and my body to enter. Like how my hips move so seamlessly to the music and how the muscle tone in my thighs become visible when I get low, or how my face makes some cute and funny shapes when I am having fun! (Or whatever I notice about myself and my body that day). It will be different for all of you, and most likely different every time you practice. That’s the beauty of Feminine flow – the constant shift and change into something new.

Real talk though – here’s what really triggered this absolute NEED to empower and love myself in such a deep, primal way again: I was dumped by a man I had given myself completely to. Nothing like having your heart shattered that makes you want to shame and blame yourself for what you believe is wrong with you. And where is it easiest to start that blame? With our bodies. “If only I had a flatter stomach, a bigger butt, a smaller waist, a prettier face,” etc. etc. until we pick ourselves apart to nothing.

But what I realized about all of those insecurities and judgments were that they were already there deep inside of me wanting to be seen, felt, heard, and loved; that break up was simply what triggered them to the surface to be released. And during my grieving process, I learned how to look at myself in a brand new, empowered way – once all of the crying and coddling took place, of course.

Moving through the stages of grief are no joke, and everyone has their own process. I recommend this practice for when you’re wanting to channel and process your power, sexuality and self-love, specifically. I found that these are three key areas I consistently come back to when needing to move unhealed crap to the surface through dance and body movement. This may be different for you personally, but if you resonate I invite you to try this practice out for yourself when you are experiencing this NEED to move that energy OUT of your body.

I’ve created a mini play list of songs that really tap into the embodiment of these three themes (in my opinion), listed below. Here is my suggestion for how to practice:

1. Create a sacred space for yourself first:
2. Cleanse the energy with sage, use incense, light candles, and set the mood that makes you feel comfortable.
3. Block out some uninterrupted time and put a Do Not Disturb sign on your door.
4. Turn off your phone and all other distractions.
5. Get naked or wear something that makes you feel sexy and/or powerful.
6. Put on these songs below or any others that move you, and (ideally) listen with headphones so you can be consumed by the music without distractions.
7. Set yourself up in front of a mirror.
8. Look yourself in the eye and just begin moving.
9. Notice what thoughts, feelings, sensations and stories come up and allow them to surface.
10. Fully FEEL and ALLOW the emotion attached to each judgment and thought to be in your body, but do not analyze it.
11. Then move and dance like no one is watching (because they’re not, only you are) to move it out.
12. Sing along your beautiful heart out to clear that Throat Chakra!

Bonus points if you record yourself and watch it back after! I have done this many times and have been able to release so many nasty judgments I had about my body because of it. Once you have created the space and you no longer hear those judgments – notice what is beautiful about your body, and afterwards write it down. Journaling in general is wonderful after this practice to further let go and set your new positive body image intentions.

Extra bonus points if you share photos and/or a video of yourself on social media or with others to inspire and empower them through your body love! What a cathartic and expansive experience that has been for me, and I wish it for you as well.

Here is the short list of songs for each area (Empowerment, Sexuality, Self-love) that I personally dance to that really get me going and allow me to fully embody positive experiences of these qualities:

Empowerment

1. “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo
2. “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa
3. “You Should See Me in a Crown” by Billie Eilish

Sexuality

1. “You Want This” by Janet Jackson
2. “That’s the Way Love Goes” by Janet Jackson
3. “Throb” by Janet Jackson

*Basically most songs on Janet Jackson’s album Janet.

Self-love

1. “Higher Love” by Whitney Houston
2. “My Future” by Billie Eilish
3. “Good as Hell” by Lizzo

Feel free to use any songs that speak to YOU and that allow you to feel and release whatever you are experiencing about your body image and self image in general.

Finally, this practice at it’s core is designed for you to learn how to love yourself and your body as it is right now. Sure, you have goals and are working towards some things but that future is not here in the NOW. Only your body as it is right this second is here. Wouldn’t it feel FANTASTIC to let go of all those expectations society places on women to look a certain way and give the patriarchy a giant middle finger while declaring, “I love myself as I am and I feel amazing in this body despite how you try to bring me down!”??

Please share with me if you put this into practice and how it impacted you, and reach out if you would like coaching from me around empowering your authentic self expression as a woman!

Much love,

Bethany

The reason growth is so difficult for some people is because it means an ending must happen first – be it with a relationship, a job, or a part of you that you have outgrown. If you don’t recognize the signs that a change is happening (because it will happen whether you’re ready for it or not) and CHOOSE to surrender to it, the change will happen in a way that seems unfair, extremely painful, unpredictable, and sudden. It will seem as if you have zero control over what is occurring, and you may not, but did you miss all of the signs the Universe was sending you to prepare you for this shift?

This ability you have to observe and become aware of the subtle, intuitive messages that come from your connection to Spirit is where you can take your power back from feeling as if you have no control over the direction your life is going. So what is keeping you in that resistant state of denial? Fear. And it’s not even that you fear change itself (because if nothing ever changed you would be bored to death), it’s the fear of RESPONSIBILITY it would take for you to actually face the ending that is occurring in order to then experience the growth that comes along with changing. Because taking responsibility means admitting where you may have fucked up, or didn’t know any better, and if you did fuck up and need to change something – what does that mean about you?

Even more so than fearing responsibility, you fear FEELING the depth of what this ending means – what that thing you are leaving behind meant to you (attachment) and how vital a role it played in your life up to this point, only to realize you no longer identify with it in a healthy way. You also fear what it means about you that something now needs to change – you think you’ve failed, you feel ashamed, you think you’ve done something wrong, and you’re terrified of trying something new because won’t the same thing just happen again when it’s time for another growth cycle to occur? But if you step back and reflect on where this voice is coming from, you’ll realize this is all the Ego’s attempt to maintain it’s “good” standing, and not the higher perspective of your Soul.

The Ego always wants to be right, to be seen as “good” and righteous. It sees everything else as separate from you, and this keeps you from fully feeling the depth of the interconnectedness of all that is – LOVE. It doesn’t mean you have to hate or disown anything you have to leave behind – it’s giving you an opportunity to see if for what it was and the experience it gave you – to let go with love and appreciation (whether painful or not) because it DID play a vital role in who you are and who you are becoming. Choosing to hold onto something just because it’s comfortable will halt your growth and your life will become stagnant.

When I was younger, change gave me anxiety because whenever change was happening in my life, it meant instability. I felt out control over the circumstances of my life, and it never felt like “good” change that made me feel anything other than anxious. I learned very early on that change was inevitable, and I was constantly waiting for my environment to shift, knowing that as soon as I felt comfortable or safe, things would soon change again. Therefore, I couldn’t even enjoy my present moment because I was always worried about what might happen next. I created an association that change = something bad because instability and anxiety as a child is confusing and scary. I wasn’t given the appropriate amount of support, guidance, or awareness from others to create strategies on how to recognize and manage my emotions through the change and the growing pains that came along with it.

Even as a young adult, I operated with this subconscious belief to fear and resist change and attempting to control circumstances and people around me became my coping mechanism. But what I was really trying to do was shield myself from feeling what needed to be healed within me. It is so much easier to blame outside circumstances and people for things going wrong, for how much you hurt. It takes the responsibility away from you, and keeps you from actually doing the inner reflection in order to empower more mindful choices and initiate that change yourself. You can become at cause, and not at effect of the cycles you inevitably grow through.

The point is though, that it doesn’t matter WHAT is changing, it’s about the relationship you have to the actual shift that is crucial. A lot of people resist change because they have created a negative story around it, like I had. The general consensus becomes, change = being uncomfortable, and everyone has gotten really, really good at finding ways to stay comfortable, even if they are self-destructive. So what are you afraid of feeling that would cause these feelings of being uncomfortable?

Another point I would like to make is that this doesn’t automatically mean feeling happy and joyful is what is comfortable for everyone because there are actually some of us who get really comfortable in our pain, just like I had gotten comfortable in my anxiety. That was my comfort level. Being happy and content for long periods of time was out of my comfort zone, and I still to this day struggle with not waiting for the other shoe to drop when I feel joyful. Hell, I might even not allow myself to fully reach a state of bliss sometimes (resistance) out of fear of knowing the inevitable change that will occur when it’s time to move into the next phase of growth. But that is how I attempt to appease my Ego’s need for power and control, rather than trusting that whatever is happening and however it happens, I will be able to withstand ALL of it, and come out the other side more powerful, whole, and wise.

Once you catch on to the cyclical nature of life, you can begin to learn and trust that change occurs for your BENEFIT! But first you will need to let go of your need to feel in control because you are not – not when it comes to things changing, at least. What you DO have control over is becoming aware of the REASON this change is occurring in your life and learning from it – asking, “What wisdom is available for me to acquire so I can become a more evolved version of me?” And then do it! Do the thing you’re terrified to experience or become. THAT’S where your power is – the choice to let go and surrender to the fact that you make up a small part of a larger Universe that has within it imperfectly perfect cycles, seasons, rhythms, and laws.

It may not make much sense whilst the change is happening, but once the uncomfortability of growing pains subsides, because you ALLOWED yourself to feel and move through them, you’ll be able to see the process for what it truly was there to do for you! And then you’ll become more aware of the signs the next time the Universe is ready for you to level up – only this time, you’ll KNOW the power you hold to withstand the pain.

Ready to level up? Book a session with me today!

Sending you love and power,

Bethany

Whatever you have been working on cultivating in your life, it is time to receive it. But first, you will be challenged to surrender and acknowledge sincere gratitude for all that has occurred up to this point, and all that you have NOW, in order to move forward (even if what you have now is not what you WANT now), because you always get what you need, not what you want. And when you do get EXACTLY what you want, it generally turns out to be something completely different than what you expected in your mind. The cycle of yearning and waiting only begets more yearning and more waiting. By stepping into the present moment with faith and gratitude, you become receptive and open. Anything is possible from this space.

Depression lives in the past and anxiety lives in the future. Peace lives in the present moment, and all is well in this moment. Worry is created when you are searching for answers that are not ready for you yet. Sadness is created when you yearn to bring back something from the past, but it has already gone. What gifts did it provide you that you can bring into the present moment instead of wishing to re-live something that wasn’t meant to last forever? Instead of fearing what the future holds because it is unknown in this moment, how can you flip the coin and cultivate the excitement of the brand new experience you have been wanting?

Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, trust that the Universe always has your back and that as you have experienced many lows, it is your time to experience just as many highs. The season of winning and cashing in are upon us, but this won’t be for every single person. It depends on where you are on your journey, the time and dedication you’ve put in, and how ready you actually are. Sometimes you feel ready, but you actually aren’t. Sometimes you don’t feel ready, but you actually are. The Universe exists in this type of paradoxical dimension. Who knows if we will ever master that understanding as Humans – this probably isn’t the entire point of living here now. It’s more about trusting that everything happens for a reason, and everything has it’s season. All occurs in order for us to expand and evolve.

This week’s mantra is taken from The Moon Deck card – 13 – EXPANSION. Here is the message:

“When we’re finally ready to spread our wings and fly, feeling gratitude for all that guided us to this moment will help welcome more support for the next journey.

You’re more ready than ever to take the leap and embrace expansion. You’ve worked hard to arrive here and are prepared to receive the ripe fruits of your efforts. Doors are opening with promising, well-timed opportunities.

Walk into this new chapter with immense gratitude – it will fill each moment with more joy and beauty. If uncomfortable sensations arise, know that this is a natural part of the process as you move into an evolved version of your self and your offering in the world. This is an auspicious and magnetic time, and you have guidance all around you. Be open and soar with all that you have.”

Take this message with you into meditation and repeat: “I am ready. Thank you.” No matter what is coming your way, know that it is meant for your highest good and is serving humanity at large. Do not focus on the actual WHAT is coming, but instead focus on the SPACE you are creating for it. If you have not created the space, take the time to do that this month, starting this week. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, clean out your closets for a clean slate this year. If you need support with doing this, you can book a session with me to get clarity on how to do that for you personally.

I am sending you so much love, healing, and strength!

You got this,

Bethany

For the past two months, I’ve barely written anything. Some Instagram posts here and there, but the desire and inspiration seemed to be severely suppressed, which was concerning because this is one of my greatest creative outlets. Throughout that time, I had many ideas. I have ideas all of the time. No joke, it can be overwhelming how much I dream up or what goes on in my head on a daily basis, but that’s another story.

So why was I denying myself the opportunity to create more regularly? Social media. I was spending a lot of time on Instagram and Facebook, watching all of these amazing people write and create amazing posts, launch programs, tell stories, be AUTHENTIC, and I began comparing myself to them. Why can’t I post every day like they do? Why does it seem so easy for them to create content that’s so inspiring? How did they have so many followers? Why don’t I have that many followers?

You see, the problem here isn’t that I don’t believe in myself or the message I have to spread. That’s actually where the comparing stems from. I know for a fact I have a gift and have some good shit to say, and that those who resonate are inspired and derive value from what I share. But there’s a fine line between being humble about it with trust and faith in myself and my own process, and feeding my Ego’s desires of competition and seeing myself as separate from others.

When we compare ourselves to others, we are seeing them as separate from us, therefore we judge and feel we have to compete for attention, and that what we have to offer is somehow better, or not good enough (depending on your flavor of self-protection). But when we are focused outside of us, on what everyone else is doing, we are rejecting that aspect of ourselves that is different, unique, and NOT like everyone else. We are basically abandoning our authenticity because we have become attached to an outcome that we believe if we achieve or do something (like have X amount of followers, or create a post every day, or get X amount of likes, sales, $, etc.), it means we are successful, valuable, lovable, or fill in the blank. But to whose standards?

Rejecting our authenticity begins when we are attempting to live up to someone else’s standards or expectations, be it society, family, friends, etc. The reason we do this is because as Humans, we NEED connection, love, and support in order to survive. I believe that emotional needs are to be met first and foremost, even before physical needs. If you disagree, try feeding a baby who is so upset and cannot calm down, even though they are VERY hungry. If we don’t feel loved and accepted for who we are as children, we end up conforming in different ways to receive that love and affection we so desperately CRAVE and NEED.

This then looks like adopting certain beliefs that we believe will get us that love – over achieving, making lots of money, performing for others to get praise, becoming the scapegoat so you don’t stand out and make others uncomfortable. Yikes, that got deep pretty quickly. That’s because that is what I see, in myself and in others. Sometimes, well actually, most of the time, we may not even notice that is what we are doing. Have you ever stopped to question why you do certain things and what the results give you?

This is what had me analyzing my reactions during the last two months of not writing. Was I ACTUALLY feeling inspired to write, or was I feeling pressured to do so because everyone else seemed to have the time, energy, and inspiration? Was I taking a break because I wanted to, or because I wasn’t feeling like my content was good enough compared to everyone else’s in the same niche? What was I making it mean about me for not writing more consistently simply because I said I would, or because that is what is “proven” to make my business grow at a faster rate?

I have spent a lot of time analyzing the way I do things and attempting to fit myself into different boxes based upon what “experts” say worked for them, and you know what I found out? It NEVER worked for ME! I am not putting down anyone else’s methods or success by any means, or if they are choosing to market the “best method out there” that’s “proven to work and get you x,y,z results in 10 days”, because yes, it actually DOES WORK for them and others, just not for me.

I am meant to create my own process, my own algorithm, a brand new way of doing things that is uniquely, authentically ME. And if you’re reading this, then maybe you are too. Maybe you’re also struggling with standing out and NOT conforming, even though it could possibly mean standing alone for a while, with no one else that understands or accepts us. That’s the fear underneath being authentic, right? The fear that our differences will divide us from that love and connection we need to survive. So really it’s a fear of death. Loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and heartbreak are more fatal than starvation. It’s fucking complex, this Human thing.

Here’s the paradox though, by conforming and not being authentic out of fear that we will be rejected, abandoned and unloved by others, we actually ARE being rejected, abandoned, and unloved by OURSELVES. And if we cannot accept and love all of ourselves, how can anyone else do the same? These are the Laws of the Universe at work. We will get back that which we are giving out – emotionally, vibrationally, mentally, physically. But why have we made our own opinion of ourselves less significant than everyone else’s?

It will always come back to our own perception, opinion, view, perspective, and beliefs about OURSELVES. We are the ones holding the power and can make anything that happens and anything we experience mean whatever it is we WANT it to mean. If your process differs from everyone else’s who seem to be “more successful” (which is all relative, anyway), and you think that’s “wrong”, then it’s time to unpack this belief about yourself and see how THAT is what is holding you back from being successful, however “success” looks to YOU.

Getting to this realization is simple – it’s the rewiring your thinking that will take dedication and practice. But once you have this awareness, the gate has been opened and you can CHOOSE HOW to practice something new for yourself. If you think you don’t know how, and want to look outside of yourself for a method, I urge you to spend some time alone and listen to what your inner voice and knowing has to say. I promise you, it has been waiting a long time to be heard and seen and will be generous with ideas. Be patient, listen, and then take inspired action!

Much love,

Bethany

A few years ago I had the privilege of seeing Darryl Anka/Bashar live (If you have not heard of Bashar, you can learn more about him here), and the biggest thing I took away from what he shared was how to use our own guidance system more effectively in order to continue the flow of creation and joy, and in the direction of our true heart’s desires.

He spoke about how we all possess 3 different “minds” – The Higher Mind, The Head Mind, and The Heart Mind. We receive information from the Higher Mind, which sends a signal to the Heart Mind where we either feel a resonance for this information or not. This then sends a signal to our Head Mind, which is to be used as a computer system to take us in the direction with the least possible resistance towards what our Heart knows to be where we are meant to go.

I am definitely paraphrasing based upon my own understanding of this teaching, but what I continue to say to my clients coming from this information I received through Bashar, that resonated with my heart is that our heart is our compass. The mind is our map, NOT the other way around, which I believe we get can get easily stuck in – logic over heart decisions – trying to figure it out before knowing if it’s actually the best direction. They are meant to work together as a team in this way, not compete with one another.

We use our body’s resonance, the strong passion and emotion we feel through our heart’s desires to then communicate with our minds that “This is what I want. Show me how to get it,” and our minds then go on the mission of figuring out the best way to achieve it. This is the ideal way to live, as it allows us to keep the flow of creation, evolution, and movement forward without resistance.

This topic came up for me last week on Sunday, when I write my Self-Care Sunday blogs (like this one), and I had zero energy. This entire week has been a period when, for whatever reason, I needed more rest and to listen to my own internal guidance. I could not force myself to write when I didn’t feel inspired or fully energized, and I needed more sleep – otherwise I would be attempting to operate on an empty tank, with no clear direction of what I wanted to create.

A huge aspect of my business is to promote self-care through acts of self-love, and not listening to what my body needed by skipping one Sunday of writing would NOT have been practicing what I preach, which I am extremely committed to! Not only that, but choosing to rest most of the day, go to bed early, and get enough sleep, I woke up the next day feeling POSITIVE, JOYFUL, MOTIVATED, and INSPIRED to get work done as well as thinking positive thoughts! I felt understood, heard, seen, and truly loved – by myself!

I knew it was the best decision for me, and my mind AND my body proved to be happy about it the next day. If I had chosen to push myself to write, which does take a lot of mental and emotional energy, I would not have been honoring my needs, which is actually neglect, not self-love. This is a small example of how allowing ourselves to be directed by what our heart knows is best by listening what our bodies need while honoring our energy levels create that feeling of safety, love, and care, but it can be applied to a lot of decisions we find ourselves battling over.

Remember that it is OKAY to say no to certain things in order to take care of ourselves first, even if it means missing work or a social engagement, or something else we are committed to, as long as we are doing it to SOURCE ourselves, and not to AVOID something!

Listen to your bodies when they are speaking to you, because this is how you will learn to best care for and love them in order to operate at your highest potential – give your mind a job rather than allowing it to have power over your decisions, and you’ll realize that this makes your entire BEING as a whole happier, more productive, and sufficient!

Post this somewhere to remind yourself when you feel conflicted over a decision you just cannot seem to make – “The heart is our compass. The mind is our map.” Then choose accordingly.

Sending you love,

Bethany